What is wrong with Mediocre?

With the last two weeks of snow upon snow upon snow, I have been holed up in my house. I still went to work most of this time and such, but no outside activity, including running. I gave up the Yoga challenge while J was in Alaska and then Alaska did a magic trick and sent all their cold weather/snow here! I found myself exhausted just trying to get through the day. I was not "depressed" so to speak, but was unhappy that I was having to face any those 10 days without J, much less during a fricken blizzard! I felt like the stress just piled on day after day the whole time he was gone. Liam wasn't sleeping much at all (day or night), 20 inches of snow came knocking on my door, shoveling our driveway with a garden spade shovel, Liam sleeping less and less, crying more and more...then throwing up, unable to run or really exercise much at all. I felt defeated. Now that J is back, I have a little more energy but another fricken blizzard came dashing through and has us holed in again. I got sick, Liam got sick, now J is sick...its an endless vicious cycle.

So, how does any of this have to do with my title? Well lets start with running. Being unable to run for 2 weeks is going to set me back in my already set back running regimen. I am NOT in a hurry to get anywhere with my training, but I don't enjoy being set back. Its HARD. Its really really HARD for me to just go run 3 miles here or x amount of time there...I want it to be easy again. So when I get to a point when a certain distance isn't so bad, then something happens and I don't run for 2 weeks, causing a set back. I decided that I get so mad about this bc I want to be GREAT, I want to be PERFECT and RESPECTABLE at everything I do, but whats wrong with just being MEDIOCRE?
Why is it not acceptable to say, I ran 2 miles in 28 min? or I started running and couldn't finish today...I don't have any desire to take my running to the expert level. I don't read on it, I don't have future plans for it...so why do i feel it needs to be perfect NOW? When spring and summer come around, I hope to find more ways to get my exercise, such as biking, walking, hiking, swimming, yoga..I would love to do a boot camp. I don't have intentions to just run and only run. I wanted to build up to a 10K so that in reality a 5K wouldn't be so hard. I would still love to get to that point and maintain it, but I have all year to get there.
I guess the biggest problem is that I fear someone else thinking I am not good at what I do.

This leads into parenting. I LOVE my son and my little family. I try my best to be my best for them. I strive to be the best mom I can be, but what if my best, isn't your best? What if 'my' best is just Mediocre to you? What is wrong with that? I am giving all I have to give. I want to point out a few things. (Some of you may take offense - Sorry - Its my blog!) It is IMPOSSIBLE to do all the things that need to be done in my life in one day...or week. I WORK 40 hours a week. Not just work, but LEAVE MY HOUSE FOR A MINIMUM OF 40 HOURS A WEEK. I SPEND THOSE 40 HOURS. IN. A. BUILDING. 20. MIN. FROM. MY. HOME. Add on 40 extra minutes a day traveling to and from work. This already takes up my whole day from 7:30 to 5:30...IF...I get off in time. By the time I pick up Liam from daycare 3x/week, it is almost 6:00 before we are home. Liam goes to bed by 8:00 every night, so this gives me 2 hours a day (10 hours during a work week) to spend with my infant son. So when someone suggests to me that I should make better use of my time to fit in the things I complain about missing or not being able to do, I would really like to stab them in the eye with a VERY dull pencil. While I am at my JOB for 40 whole hours a week, I am STANDING during a lot of that time. Not only am I standing, but usually walking, lifting, demonstrating, cleaning, or protecting another person while doing therapy. (Not to mention that my job in particular can be very emotionally draining.) I don't sit the whole time, or get to leave when I want/need to run an errand. So, when Liam goes to bed, I am TIRED. I want nothing more than to sit and prop my feet up, but usually we fix a quick dinner and eat, then its almost 9:00. This doesn't leave much time for me to run, scrapbook, do laundry, clean, do yoga, read, watch a movie or blog! I'm lucky if, when i go to bed, I get a full uninterrupted nights sleep. I am usually up at least once if not twice, then up again before my alarm even goes off, just to do it allllllll over again. So, again...I am sorry if to you, I am tired, grumpy and a MEDIOCRE mom/wife/therapist, but to me I am fighting through the day to keep a smile on my face for my patients, husband and child. I play endlessly for the whole 2 hours I get Liam, I work with my patients on their fatigue and endurance by trying to set an example and I try very hard to make a meal for my husband and I to share at the dinner table every evening. When I have the extra strength or time, I try to fit in exercise and a blog here and there. I am me and I am doing the best that I know how. I truly truly don't know many people that I am friends with that work strict hours and still have to manage the rest of their life in what little time is "left" at the end of the day. I don't even have "sitters" on standby for when J and I want to do something together or for ourselves. We have approx 3 regular sitters available here in town and 2 of the 3 are ppl we are usually trying to do something with. This means, when MIL has to work, we don't have a sitter....THERE ISN'T ANYONE ELSE! Liam is still an infant. I cant just leave him with anybody. We have lots of other family that would love to help, but week nights aren't an option and they need advanced notice for weekends. So NO I wont just rearrange my very busy and structured life to accommodate you or yours.
What I am really trying to say, is that I am going to embrace 'Mediocre' in the future. I am learning to be happy and content with what I have, and that means making the best with what little time and energy I sometimes have. If in someone elses eyes, that makes me a mediocre mom, wife, athlete, therapist...the so be it. I am mediocre. I wake up and enjoy my day for me and because I am doing what I want to do, not what someone else wants me to do. I also want to be thankful that I am good at several different things instead of perfect at just 1 or 2. Tack this on to my Resolutions List: Accept that I am the best I can be, even if it isn't the same in an outsiders eyes.