The Help

I am fixing to read the book, but I watched the movie the other night with the girls and it was absolutely hilarious and heartbreaking all at the same time. I just wanted to run home and grab Liam from his crib and cuddle! There are too many issues brought up in this movie that would cause me to rant for days and probably piss a lot of people off, so I will only touch base on two. There are so many things in life that you see on a completely different level after becoming a mom. Not only do you see it differently, but you FEEL it differently. If you havent read the book or seen the movie then I hope I dont give too much away, but I seriously needed to blog from the heart on this one.
First of all, The Help is in reference to maids/nannies back in the day. The book and movie are all about black vs white, but the just of the movie is how the world relies on maids and nannies, yet they dont respect them and sadly, when I watched the movie, I didnt feel like todays society was all that much better! Sure its not the same in the sense of verbal or physical abuse to the maid or nanny, but all in all, people still use and rely on them for most of the work that I personally feel is the responsibility of a wife/mother AND husband/father. We live in a world where women want to work, but they dont want to stay home and take care of their own kids or clean their own house. I completely understand not having time for anything other than work, housework and raising a child. I LIVE IT. I cant say that getting up to go to work is the most exciting part of my day, but I am able and it allows me and my family to have more, BUT if I could be home more to spend time with Liam, I would choose to. To have a Nanny come in your home and keep your child while you are at work is fantastic....but it should end there. When you come home from work, the nanny should go home, not stick around to watch your kid so you can have a glass of wine on the back porch and read a book or whatever it is that selfish people who have 'after hour' nannies need to do for their own sanity. On top of a maid (if its not the same person) to clean your house and do your laundry and cook your meals. SERIOUSLY? I understand someone coming into your home and helping "deep clean" or something once in a while (bi-weekly...monthly...etc), but I honestly feel that it is lazy and a waste of good money. I have had both sides of the picture and even though it was nice to come home to a clean house with clean laundry, I didnt feel productive. My mother in law watched Liam two days a week or more for a year. During the time that she was watching him, while he was taking a nap, she would vacuum, do the dishes, laundry...whatever she could to help out. I never asked her to do it, I didnt expect her to do it, and I REALLY really tried not to take advantage of it, but over time, I too, just became used to it. Now that she doesnt keep Liam during the week anymore, therefore not cleaning after me and my family, I realized how much I really did take advantage of it. Dont get me wrong, it allowed me to come home from work and just worry about cooking dinner and playing with Liam. But why cant I just do the laundry, dishes and whatever else while Liam is sleeping just like Gail did? Thats when I realized how selfish I had become without ever noticing it. I was using Liams nap time and bedtime for my own personal relaxation or activity time instead of being a productive wife/mom. I am all about taking a nap when he does, or blogging, scrap booking, taking a run, watching a movie...its 2 to 3 hours of my day that I dont have little hands and feet getting involved in all I do. Im not super mom and I dont expect everyone who reads this to give up every moment of "their" time. I do, however, expect you to think about how you are using that time. Are you taking a nap because you were up late cleaning a mess you made with your children? How about after your kids went to sleep, you did your exercise routine for the day? There are lots of good reasons for a parent to be tired and deserve a nap. Take it. I truly try to live by what I preach and I tell all of my patients (suffering from cancer/chemo/radiation induced fatigue) to work for your reward. Want to watch a movie while the little one naps? Wash and fold laundry while watching the movie! Im only saying that our society has fallen into a path of least resistance. Its easy to kick your heels up and let someone else do the dirty work, but unless your a doctor, lawyer or have a hard labor intense job, I consider you lazy. Sorry, you can disagree and thats ok. I am positive I am not everything someone thinks I should be and thats ok. This is my blog and I'll B**** if I want to. :)

That was my first frustration, now for the second. More than anything under this sun, I am sickened by the way people choose to parent, or not parent their children! Liam is truly the single most amazing blessing on the face of this earth. I thoroughly enjoy playing, laughing, cuddling, kissing and teaching him! How can any parent care more about their social status, job or personal time MORE than their children? Why would you have a child if you dont want to do the work of teaching them all they need to know and providing them with the nourishment they need to grow? I am not in the position financially to stay home with Liam and I feel like I miss out on so much every day that he is in daycare. I love the facility he goes to and the teachers are amazing. They treat him as if he were one of their own, so he is not missing out, but I personally yearn and ache to be with him sometimes. I know parents who cant wait for their kids to go to daycare, then when they are not at daycare, they take them to a grandparents house or pay a sitter to come watch them so they can go out and enjoy themselves. Why? I feel bad just thinking about a weekend coming up that Liam might have to stay with grammy and auntie 2 nights in a row. I miss him and usually dont enjoy myself to the fullest when I know that he is not at home with me. I always told myself that when we were ready to have kids, I would always make time to play with him or give him that extra 5 minutes in the morning for hugs and kisses. He will never go without anything, especially love and affection! Physical touch to a baby is one of the most important ways for a baby to form a bond. I'll never not be affectionate with Liam (until the day he wont let me...even then ill still try!! haha). There are several mornings that I have honestly been 2 or 3 minutes late for work because I just couldnt leave Liam. Now, there are mornings that I will wake up early and get ready before Liam wakes up...just so that when he does wake up, I can spend that time just cuddling with him, getting him dressed and having some quiet one on one time. He loves it, too. He will just curl up in a ball in my arms and wait for me rock. I cherish these moments and wish that all parents would just put effort into raising their children. Its a much better alternative to letting someone else raise your child, create that special bond and then they are taken away and left with virtually a stranger who lacks tolerance for children (even tho its their own child). I learned very quickly that you grow a tolerance to each age range and development level your child is at. I used to be annoyed with crying, whining or loud toys, but when you know what those things mean or understand why its happening then it doesnt bother you as bad. When you arent the one raising your own child, then you never create a tolerance for those things and would always be bothered by it.
So, parents...know that I am not perfect and I absolutely have my insane moments and want to pull my hair out. I have laundry piled in my bathroom waiting to be washed, dishes in the sink that need to be cleaned. I am not perfect, nor do I try to be. I do the best I can with what I have. I make the most of the time I have with Liam and without...I hope that when you all watch the movie or read the book, that you have a similar response. You see how a child yearns for that constant soul that loves and cherishes them. Someone to depend on and not be let down. I hope it makes you want to find a way to squeeze an extra 2 minutes in for your children vs finding a way to get more alone time.

Sorry if you disagree. I am a passionate person, but nothing will get a stronger, emotional response from me than children/family abuse or neglect.

Thats my novel, and thats just two points! haha Can you imagine how long my post would be if I even touched the other subjects in the book/movie? (your welcome!)

OK, go give your kids an extra hug and kiss!